WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
