Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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