I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
