you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Randomize
