I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize