The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize