my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am available for nakedness
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
