I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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