this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you didnt know i had herpes?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
