I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize