I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
