your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
