Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
