All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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