We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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