Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
