I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
