Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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