I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
