Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
