Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
