well I can't set my house on fire every night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Less talking, more tequila
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
