I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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