while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
