do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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