I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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