I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
