What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
