I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
