It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
