Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
