do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
