Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
