I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
God, I missed his penis.
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