tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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