I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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