the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
