As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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