I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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