Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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