I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
