If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
