no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
