My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
