He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
