just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
