Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize