you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
