You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
