you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
BRING THE BAGELS
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
