So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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