Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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