is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
