I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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