in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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