the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
