I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i need some magic done to my vagina
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize