his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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