Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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