Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There's even glitter on my cock...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
