yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Everything about him screamed your future.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Congratulations! We have a period
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
