This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
