I puked a lego.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize