Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
