I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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