Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize