Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
