okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
