Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
